Kids don’t always say, “I’m anxious.”
They say, “My stomach hurts.”
Or, “I don’t want to go.”
Or, “You’re not listening to me!”

They act out, withdraw, cling, shut down, or explode — not because they’re bad, but because they’re overwhelmed and don’t yet have the words to say what’s going on.

As adults, one of the most powerful things we can do is help children understand and name their emotions, without putting words in their mouths.

Here’s how.

Step 1: Pause the Fixing

When a child is upset, it’s natural to jump into problem-solving mode:

• “It’s not a big deal.”
• “You’re fine.”
• “Just calm down.”
• “Here, let me take care of it.”

But what kids need first isn’t a solution — it’s connection.

Before trying to fix it, take a breath and reflect: Does this child feel seen right now?

Step 2: Get on Their Level — Literally and Emotionally

Lower yourself physically. Soften your voice. Make eye contact if they’re comfortable.

Then say something simple like:

• “I can see something’s bothering you.”
• “Your face looks a little scrunched. Want to tell me about it?”
• “You don’t have to talk if you don’t want, but I’m here.”

The goal is openness, not pressure. Let the child lead.

Step 3: Offer a Feeling Word — Gently

If the child is struggling to describe what they’re feeling, offer words like tools, not labels.

Try:

• “Sometimes when I feel like that, it’s because I’m worried. Could that be it?”
• “You seem really quiet. Are you feeling sad, or something else?”
• “Are you feeling mad, or maybe kind of left out?”

If they say no — good. That means they’re thinking. That means they’re practicing emotional awareness.

You’re not telling them what to feel — you’re giving them permission to explore.

Step 4: Normalize, Always

A child who can name their feeling still might feel shame for having it.

You can help by saying:

• “It’s okay to feel that way.”
• “Everyone gets frustrated sometimes — even grownups.”
• “Thanks for telling me. That’s really brave.”
• “There’s nothing wrong with feeling sad.”

The more you normalize emotions, the more resilient they’ll become.

Step 5: Circle Back Later

Sometimes kids aren’t ready to talk in the moment. But that doesn’t mean the moment is lost.

Later that day or week, try saying:

• “Hey, I was thinking about how upset you were earlier. Do you want to talk more about it now?”
• “You were so brave to keep going even when you were feeling big feelings.”
• “Next time you feel that way, let’s come up with something we can do together.”

This builds safety — and trust over time.

The Big Picture

Helping children name their emotions isn’t about getting the “right answer.”
It’s about teaching them that their feelings matter — and that someone will meet them there with kindness, not correction.

And here’s the truth:
A child who learns to name their emotions becomes an adult who doesn’t have to unlearn silence.